Happy New Year! As I'm writing this, my seven week old daughter is sound asleep on my chest. Occasionally she makes small whimpering noises, and I worry that she's uncomfortable, or in pain, but then she settles back down again. I'm very new to this. On the night of November 14th, Chris and I were watching Netflix at home and eating takeout. On November 15th, our daughter came squalling into the world. Just like that. One day she was this sort of unknown quantity in our family equation, and the next there was this small baby that we could touch and hold. I haven't written very much here before, but there's something about having her here that makes me very aware of the passage of time, and I like the idea of documenting these early days. Mostly, of course, the documentation has taken the form of many, many, photos, but I've also been writing down things I don't want to forget, mainly in the form of lists. For example, I don't want to forget:
- the way she sleeps with her legs tucked into her chest, knees crossed
- the snorting noises she makes when she cries
- the way she purses her lips when she's done nursing
Chris and I were talking about what those first few days were like, and we realized that there are a lot of details we can't remember. I remember generally feeling exhausted and terrified and elated all at once, but we don't remember where she slept. In her bassinet? In her crib? And, where did we sleep? Did we even sleep? It's still sort of crazy to me that anyone at all survives those first few weeks intact. I know we couldn't have without the outpouring of food deliveries, visits, and phone calls from our family and friends. So many people brought us dinner, went grocery shopping for us, did our dishes; I'm so grateful. Now, as we approach the two month mark, we're settling into a sort of rhythm, and feeling much more able to sort of roll with the punches. Some days I don't leave the house, others we take her for long walks in her stroller or carrier. We've managed to go grocery shopping and I've even cooked once or twice: buckwheat pancakes and carrot soup (not at the same time).
I can't even begin to describe how I feel about this new person in our lives. I'll just say that even at my most exhausted, there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. And sometimes she falls asleep with her arm draped across my chest, clutching my shirt for dear life, and then I feel like I could just burst.